Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
