3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
