everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
