I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I puked a lego.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
