Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
