There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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