Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
