you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
