Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize