You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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