glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
