I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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