New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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