I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
