Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
