New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
