pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
