you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dignity is for republicans.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
