lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
