Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
