I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
