i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
