So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
