just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
