just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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