she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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