Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
