Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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