yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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