I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My bed smells like the plague
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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