Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
