Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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