I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize