I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize