Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
