I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
