Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i now understand why vodka
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
