I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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