we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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