You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
