you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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