My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
