Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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