I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
