Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
