Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
