I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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