I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
