Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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