grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
home. puking in laundry basket.
my shit smells like andre
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
