my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
