he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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