I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
