I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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