I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
