If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
whose ass print is on the piano?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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