I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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