i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
