So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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