coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
