Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You dont lie about slip and slides
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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