He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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