there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
