Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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