sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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