Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
