its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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