isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
