The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
