Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
