the day after is always just damage control
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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