I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
