it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize