This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
