mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
