there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
