There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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