I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
