I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
