wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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