I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
