We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
