The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
