there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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