You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize