Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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