I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
