Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
