Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
