Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
