I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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