I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
