overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm like, not good at living.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
